Heavens Light 3-11-10 Principles of a Husband’s Love

Principles of a Husband’s Love


A husband’s godly character is the basis for all right relationships and the foundation for God’s peace in the home.


A husband’s gracious and accepting disposition is the basis for a wife and family’s security in the home. We cannot allow our attitude toward our wives to be swayed by her submission to our authority or by her worthiness of our love. We are to love with the steadfast love of Christ which is gracious and gives favor in spite of our worthiness.


Ephesians 5:25 – 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; NASB


Husbands love your wives….. Husbands have a divine calling to meet the needs of their wives, just like they care for their own. You wouldn’t deprive yourself of food or clothing. Nor would you ignore your own spiritual and emotional needs, would you? We are therefore to meet these same needs for our wives. You wouldn’t starve yourself, so why then would you starve your wife of affection? Husbands need to meet not only their physical needs, but their emotional needs as well.

·        The most important thing to most wives is a daily time of intimate communication with their husbands.

·        Woman have a need to feel appreciated and accepted as do men. A husband must verbalize his appreciation and acceptance of his wife.

·        Husbands need to praise their wives! They must know that we adore them!

·        The most beneficial thing a father can do for his children is to love his wife.

·        A husband’s love should not be controlling and binding, but generally speaking it should be freeing, encouraging and uplifting.


What should a husbands Christ-like love look like?


Sacrificial – Christ was willing to give everything He had for the well being of His bride the church. He gave “Himself.” Even His very life He did not withhold from her. Here is an example of the degree to which a husband should love and care for his wife. Husband’s should be willing to die for the protection and support of their wives. Are you a sacrificial husband?

Gracious – Christ loves and gives regardless of merit. In fact, Christ gives to those who do not deserve it. Jesus gave His life in the midst of our rebellion. Oh that we would love so freely as our precious Christ! Husbands are to grant their wives honor, she is your partner, bone of your bone, the love of your life! Give all that you have for her joy, has not Jesus done this for you? Are you’re a gracious husband?

Romans 5:8 – 8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. NAS

Patient  – Husbands should be patient with their wives, allowing them time for Christ to be formed in them. Oh that we were as patient as Christ! His patience is endless for the objects of His love. His love is truly unfailing. When a husband is impatient with his wife, his love fails. Husbands must be patient with their wives, remembering the patience of Christ with them.   Are you a patient husband?

1 Corinthians 13:7-8 – 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails;  NAS

Kind – Jesus is kind to the church with a benevolent disposition which always seeks the comfort and blessing and joy of His church. He seeks her highest good, and her joy – no matter the cost. Husbands should speak kindly to their wives. Husband should practice kindness. This is the example of Christ.  Are you a kind husband?

Romans 8:28 – 28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. NAS

Meek & Gentle – Christ’s love is gentle. Although He is “God very God” and has the command of angels, He stoops to wash the feet of those He loves. He speaks gently and possesses meekness toward all. Husbands must be gentle with their wives. They are precious gifts from God, made of “sugar and spice and everything nice.” They ain’t your huntin buddies! A godly husband treats his wife tenderly. Are you a gentle husband?

Matthew 11:29-30 – 29 “Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls.  30 “For My yoke is easy, and My load is light.”  NASB

Sincere – Christ has a sincere and genuine love for His bride. He loves in deed and in truth(1 John 3:18), not with a mask on the outside and grumblings in His heart. If a husband has an insincere love, although he will try to cover up his wicked heart and play the part, on the outside it will be quite obvious that his love is hypocritical for he will have a true lack of affection and devotion to his wife’s joy. This will be destructive to the marriage indeed! Husbands must have a sincere and non-hypocritical love for their wives.

Romans 12:9-10 – 9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; NASB

Selfless & Serving – Christ’s love does not seek its own, but rather the benefit of its object. Jesus did the “work of love.” He demonstrated His love in the washing of His disciples feet. He was willing to humble Himself and serve the ones He loved. He offered His back to be torn, He offered His hands to the nails. This was none to His own benefit, except the joy that it brought His beloved. Are you a selfless and serving husband?

Love is a choice  Love is primarily an act of the will. Here it is a verb, “Husbands, love your wives” and it requires action. Although it produces deep and profound emotions and affection, love is a commitment rather than a feeling, otherwise it could not be commanded. Here husbands are commanded to love their wives. God is not demanding an emotion from us but rather an action motivated by the will.

Colossians 3:19 – 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be embittered against them. NASB

Husbands should “not be embittered against their wives,” this is very destructive. Consider the attitude of Christ toward His church. Although she falls short of His favor in her practice, in position before Him she is “holy and blameless” and “in all of her glory.” A husbands contempt towards his wife tears her down, it does not edify her or grant her the healing she needs. Instead he should “nourish and cherish her.”

Ephesians 5:28-30 – 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. NASB


Ephesians 5:26-27 – 26 that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless. NASB

A. that He might sanctify her – Why is it that Christ loves the church? He will stop at

nothing to make us holy, even give His own flesh for crucifixion, if it will purify us. And all of this “that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless.” Now a husband is to seek this holiness in His wife at all costs, and why? Because it is the example that was given of Christ, more than that, that she might be a “in all her glory,” for she is a fellow heir of the grace of life.  Any godly man has a great desire for his wife to be holy and pure. He seeks the holiness of his wife and marriage, even as he seeks the holiness of himself. It is his highest goal in glorifying God.

Purifying – Christ’s love is a righteous love. It always seeks the holiness of its objects, for holiness is the very essence of His character and His great desire for His beloved. Husbands should have a holy zeal to purify their wives and families. This, for the husband, is a relentless pursuit. Are you a purifying husband?

Galatians 4:19 – 19 My children, with whom I am again in labor until Christ is formed in you.

Protecting – Jesus has given us the greatest protection of all, the hope of eternal life.

He has secured for us an eternal salvation, indeed we are in for an eternity of blessing and

fulfillment. Wives should feel secure in the love of their husbands. Husbands, it is

your responsibility to be sure your wife has a sanctuary in your love. She must know

that she is loved unconditionally and accepted by you at all times. You must

communicate your love and affection to your wife! Are you a protecting husband?

Matt 11:28-30 – 28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 29 “Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls.  30 “For My yoke is easy, and My load is light.”

B. having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word  – So how does a husband purify his wife? He being the head and spiritual leader in his home, continually holds the Word out before her. Purifying his own life, in order to lead her by example, he keeps bringing the Word before her that she might be transformed by the renewing of her mind. Prayer and scripture reading should be regular practice in the home, at the husbands lead. The husband is to set standards and give wisdom and guidance according to God’s will for his family. He is Prophet, Priest, and King in his home. Christ fills these three offices to the church. The Prophet sees, hears, and speaks the Word of God, the Priest mediates between God and family, the King rules the home through servant leadership and lovingkindness. Not in the sinful human character, but in the gracious character of Christ.


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Shaan Sloan
Heritage Christian Fellowship – ABQ
The Lord is the Strength of My Life


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